Briando ([info]braundiggity) wrote,
@ 2007-05-16 19:28:00
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This is my film that I've been working on the last few weeks.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TZXbB63-Bg


Be honest, and unmerciful.

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[info]mrfortune
2007-05-17 04:21 am UTC (link)
The only serious commentary I have would be in the pacing of certain elements. George is very genial when he tries to explain what he's doing on the field, and instantaneously goes straight to his depression once the guy kicks him out, which feels a bit abrupt. He drives up to his house, and the ball hits his car; he suddenly appears outside the car (way too fast), but the kids don't seem to realize that they've hit his car with their baseball until he actually looks up at them. I'm no failed baseball player, but it also strikes me as a little strange that he throws only two baseballs in his backyard before deciding that things are hopeless.

Other little things: the second kid to back away from the kid who broke the window has a very smug grin that feels very out of place given the scene. The score is good, though the crowd sounds and the announcer are a little loud, and thus a little jarring when they fade in and out, especially over the solo piano section when George is looking over the old photos and newspapers. I also personally find the announcer's voice a little grating, but that's just me.

Otherwise, I think that it's a very solid piece of film. Having the old baseball player actually come out of his house and throw a baseball around with some neighborhood kids is a nice touch, and certainly manages to avoid most of the usual sports film cliches. The actor who plays George does a nice job.

Peace,
Matt

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[info]braundiggity
2007-05-17 06:37 am UTC (link)
totally agree with your pacing comments, but they're mostly due to the 5:30 time restriction the class puts on us. I would've wanted him to protest/fight more before leaving the field (though I think that's a little extraneous to the actual story), we had him actually getting out of the car (it added an unnecessary 4 seconds), and we had him throwing 3 baseballs, not two (2 felt short, 3 feels more natural, but we didn't have that extra 15 seconds or so). with the kids, that's my lazy fault; I wanted to record the kids actually talking about him ("oh my god, you hit it! you deal with it!" etc.) but never got around to it, so I had to use crap from the sound library.

the loudness issue really comes through in a home stereo. the sound is mixed for a theatre, and in the theatre, it sounds great. But played at home, that change is really, really apparent, a lot more jarring. And the announcer voice -- haha, what happened was, the guy I recorded kind of did the old-school voice himself, so when we tried to do mess around with the sound to give it that aged feel, it came off whiny and weird. lesson learned, on my part.

anyway, thanks for the comments. mostly, I agree, and it's nice to hear regardless, to think of what I could've done differently. Glad you liked it.

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[info]mrfortune
2007-05-17 03:16 pm UTC (link)
Ah, a 5:30 time restriction. In that case, I would have considered cutting the part where the kids hit his car with the baseball entirely (as well as the "Early Retirement" title, which I didn't really feel was necessary). It would have given you the extra seconds you needed to have him throw three baseballs, and it would have heightened the surprise of the baseball shattering the window just as he was about to take the pills (whereas here, it's more of an "oh right, they're still having trouble holding onto the damn baseball" type thing when it first happens).

Also, John has an excellent point about George contemplating suicide in a very short time.

Anyway, good stuff. See if Kevin Costner is available for a sequel...actually, no, just stick with the guy who played George.

Peace,
Matt

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[info]braundiggity
2007-05-17 04:41 pm UTC (link)
Actually, cutting the kids at the beginning might be the best idea i'd never heard. I had always seen it as a plant, to keep the baseball at the end from seeming like too much of a deus ex machina. But in hindsight, it should've gone.

Screw Kevin Costner. I want clint eastwood.

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[info]thejohnmeister
2007-05-17 07:26 am UTC (link)
I understand that time restrictions made the pacing awkward, but then again you should have chosen an idea that fit within 5:30. Having a character contemplate suicide is something that would, I feel, take at least 5 minutes in and of itself.

I do feel like the score fit to a sports-themed piece (in that it built to a typical inspirational few measures where a pitcher would make a winning throw). And I liked the actor who portrayed George.

I feel like the idea itself is a little overplayed (athlete loses championship, contemplates suicide), but the direction of photography was good.

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[info]braundiggity
2007-05-17 04:40 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, but I feel like any story is forced when put in a 5:30 time restriction.

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[info]thejohnmeister
2007-05-17 06:19 pm UTC (link)
the high school artist piece did not seem forced

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[info]thejohnmeister
2007-05-17 06:28 pm UTC (link)
that said, i just watched it a second time (now sober) and i liked it a lot more.

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[info]braundiggity
2007-05-17 07:26 pm UTC (link)
hahahahahaha

I feel like you always watch my movies drunk first.

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[info]braundiggity
2007-05-17 07:25 pm UTC (link)
I was thinking about that in the shower actually; you're right (though some people did comment that the class went by jarringly quickly). But that's one of the few.

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[info]divine4thray
2007-05-17 04:10 pm UTC (link)
You need more of the baseball exec.

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[info]mickdin
2007-05-17 06:13 pm UTC (link)
My comment will be broken up into 2 sections:

1) The suicide pacing didnt really seem off to me, or the asking to leave the field. The dude's face just makes it seem like he's been asked to leave enough times that hes used to it, and the actor who asked him to leave didnt really leave it open ended it was a closing get the fuck out. And the suicide just seems like its logical progression, clearly this dude's troubles and dissapointments didnt start with getting asked to leave the field and missing those strikes, its been going on for a while this just happens to be the breaking day. My only problems are basebally nitpicky. Cleats instead of clunky white shoes would have been good, but would have taken a little away from the smooth foot to foot cut. Also i could be wrong but George looked really uncomfortable with the pitching. It didnt really take much away, but yeah.

2) Kenny fucking Rodgers walked Andruw Jones to end the 1999 NLCS, he's probably as god damned old as that character and i wish his dumb bitch ass would kill his self.


...good job, brian

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(Anonymous)
2007-05-18 06:48 pm UTC (link)
Too lazy to do a full-on analysis, but to be short, I really liked it. I thought the lead actor had a great weathered face. And I kind of liked the smug grin on the kid's face--like he's saying to his friend, "haha sucker, you deal with this one." Anyway, I'm impressed! anne

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[info]oneknightedwren
2007-05-20 09:10 pm UTC (link)
wow, nice. i'm no film critic, but it was gripping even for a short. some of the cuts seemed a bit choppy to me. i tend to agree with john's sentiments above about it being a tough plot for a 5.5 minute film.

great job overall.

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[info]trojansalsera
2007-06-05 02:31 am UTC (link)
obviously i enjoyed it.
but that's not my comment: UPDATE MORE!! >:O

that is all. :)

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